When you live in India, your expectations from cinema are mixed but when you are watching a Hollywood movie, you always expect higher!
Tell me a time when you went to watch a Hollywood movie and came out of the theaters disappointed. I would say, the chances are 2 out of 10 times. Unfortunately, today is one of those times when I went to watch a movie with so much expectation but came out, hating the whole franchise!
Yes, I am talking about the “Plant of the Apes” Franchise! Today, after watching the wonderfully realistic VFX work of Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, not only I lost the hope in the franchise but took an ample amount of time in digesting it.
Seriously, folks, the only kingdom this movie managed to establish is the kingdom of boredom!
I mean, if you’re planning to make a sequel, at least make sure the storyline has more depth than a kiddie pool.
This film was so flat, I could’ve ironed my shirts on it.
Now, let’s talk about the VFX. Sure, it was realistic. The apes looked so real I almost asked one for directions to a more exciting movie.
But here’s the thing, you can’t just slap some top-notch VFX on a story and call it a day.
That’s like putting lipstick on a… well, you know.
It doesn’t make it a supermodel; it just makes it a really pretty mess.
And the pacing! Oh, the pacing. It was like watching paint dry.
No, scratch that.
Watching paint dry would at least have the excitement of seeing the color change.
This movie dragged on so long, I felt like I aged a couple of years in the theater. I came out looking for my pension!
Then, there’s the dialogue. I half-expected Shakespeare, but what I got was more on the level of a sleepy WhatsApp chat.
At one point, I thought, ‘Should I start making popcorn in the cinema itself, because that’s the only popping happening tonight?’
So, in summary, if you love great VFX and have absolutely no interest in plot, dialogue, or being entertained, this might just be the film for you!
For the rest of us, who enjoy a little thing called ‘substance’ with our popcorn, this movie is a must-miss. Save your money, folks, or better yet, spend it on literally anything else.
Even a talking ape would tell you that!
